Free Labor?

Gah…

Have you ever mentioned a problem or a project to someone, and they’ve taken it upon themselves to assume that problem or project?

Earlier in the week, I told Gloom I’d gotten the tile, and other materials, to lay down a new kitchen floor, but that the one thing I wasn’t able to buy at Home Depot was the energy to complete the task.

I wasn’t hinting.  I like home maintainance.  To date, I’ve replaced the garbage disposal; put new carpeting in my bedroom; replaced most of the windows; built three of my bookcases; renovated my kitchen cabinets; and did the hundred-and-one small chores that need to be done around the house.  I’ve made a LOT of mistakes, corrected them, and enjoyed learning as I’ve gone along.  I probably would have spent less money if I’d had professionals do the jobs as mistakes can be very expensive, but I discovered that I like doing these things for my home.  It makes me feel good to know I’m improving my nest.

However…

Bright and (way too) early, Gloom and his brother, Belly (so named because he is thin as can be, but can devour amazing quantities of food), arrive at my house full of good intentions to tile my floor for me.  They were so enthusiastic, and so high on the idea of doing a Good Deed, that I couldn’t turn them away, so I let them turn a job that should have taken a day into three.

Three days of having to cook for them, and provide them with Sam Adams out of, you see, gratitude.  Three days of applying antiseptic and Band-Aids to boo-boos, and listening to Gloom cuss Belly out for being…well, Belly.  One of Bellys’ favorite ways to amuse himself is to maneuver himself into a strategic position, and fart in Glooms’ face.  This never failed to cause Belly to collapse on the floor in helpless laughter, and send Gloom into fits.  Twice, Gloom walked out on the job vowing never to return, and, once, he grabbed a tile knife and threatened to shove it up Bellys’ offending orifice – which resulted in a tussle that lasted until they knocked my cookie jar off the counter and smashed it.

Three days of listening to country music.

Three days of wiping pee off the bathroom floor since neither one of them, apparently, has good aim.

My ‘free’ labor seems to have costs me quite a bit.  The least of which is a painful jaw from grinding and gritting my teeth for three days.  From now on, home improvement projects will be treated with the same secrecy as is applied to the drafting of the health care bill none of us are allowed to see.  I have a few more things I want to do, but you’ll have to obtain clearance for me to tell you.