Gimmeoxygen's Blog

December 7, 2009

I AM A #@!*% LADY!

Filed under: Uncategorized — Ruby Dabling @ 5:34 pm
Tags: , , ,

Years ago, I saw something that made me laugh for days.  A woman in a striped dress – a behemoth! something normally seen on a tether in a parade! – was using her purse to beat the crap out of a man while screaming, “I AM A FUCKING LADY, AND YOU CAN’T TREAT ME THIS WAY, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!” and so on.

She continued to beat him, and to scream, until he – finally! – straightened-up, balled-up his fist and gave her a good poke in the snoot.  No one there would say she didn’t deserve it.

Immediately, she began to appeal to the people watching.  Did we see that?  Did we see him strike her?  A woman?  Would anyone, please, help her?

As a group, the crowd turned, and dispersed.  Scenes like this aren’t uncommon in the city, and it takes more to keep the interest of spectators.  I was on the bus stop bench near them, though, and close enough to hear the man when he said, “Oh, for shits’ sake, Angie, why do you have to get like this?  You know I can’t be all bruised-up on Saturday – it’ll show up on our wedding pictures!”

The woman brushed off her dress and said, “Yeah, you’re right.  We gotta lifetime to fight about it.”

It was funny at the time, but something tells me that – if Angies’ husband has survived her tender attentions – this couple is still together while many others have fallen in battle and parted.  Why?  Because they’d already seen their monsters before they tied the knot.  They knew each other.  There’d be no surprises after the “I do”.

I was married.  Briefly.  I was young, my mother was dying, and I was an emotionally needy scrap of humanity wanting someone, something to anchor me.  I didn’t have enough life experience to understand that the only valid strength you can depend on is your own, so I was trying to borrow his.

We clawed and tore at each others’ psyches for a little while before deciding that parting was the only rational option we had, but I’ve known so many couples who hate each other and grimly carry on and on and on, both disappointed in who they are.  This is something I’ve never been able to understand.

I like to imagine that the sparring couples’ monsters eventually died, or slipped into comas, or ran away to Bermuda and that Angie and her husband discovered that they’d married their best friend, so it’s okay to be good to each other.  I like to see them, in my imagination, sitting together in the evening, hand in hand, and chuckling at how they used to behave.


No idea why I wrote about this, but I did, so…there…



  1. Yeah…nothin’ says love like an ass whuppin.

    Comment by TrueMan — December 7, 2009 @ 5:39 pm | Reply

  2. Love is a battlefield, a scholar once opined. I tend to agree. 🙂

    Comment by strugglingwriter — December 7, 2009 @ 8:09 pm | Reply

  3. MwahahaHA! Oh, whew, that is funny. Maybe I’m biased because I’m happily married, but I love this because you just hit upon the major thing most people miss before choosing marriage: how important it is to know yourself. Then again, it’s hard to know yourself without having to go through a long string of broken relationships which might as well have been marriages — like I did. *Shudder* 😛

    Life’s rough. I blame it for most of the entropy in any love relationship. I long ago convinced myself that wine and roses are not necessary for a happy marriage, at least not all the time. A little comedy is always nice. And a ton of patience!

    Comment by haelah — December 8, 2009 @ 2:26 am | Reply

  4. The worst marriage to be in is one that is already over… and you’re the only one who knows it. When you don’t want to work late, but you don’t want to going home either. When you just want to gnaw off your ring finger.

    My spouse did a complete 180 as soon as we were locked and loaded. I suppose the only thing keeping me in that situation for those few years, was the hope that she would revert back to the person she was before. That proved to be a pipe dream and in late 2005, I conceded defeat and walked away.

    Comment by Troy — December 8, 2009 @ 5:51 am | Reply

  5. When I was younger a female friend and I would go to public places, like outside a cinema, and have fake fights were the craziest crap was said by us both, and people would come up and stand aghast. The fake argument had in Southland Tales by Wood Harris and Amy Poehler, as the newly wed couple, reminds me a lot of it. I’ve never had an argument in public that’s real, though. That would be nuts, kid.

    Comment by Joseph Five — December 11, 2009 @ 5:30 am | Reply

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