Gimmeoxygen's Blog

December 4, 2009

Your Rent-A-Mommy is Here, Ruby!

Filed under: Uncategorized — Ruby Dabling @ 6:01 pm
Tags: , ,

Not a good day.  Today is a day for cuddling up with my dog, and reading in front of the fire.  I’m deep into Ian McEwans’ ATONEMENT anyway…(Good author, btw; always an excellent read).

It is not fair, not fair at all, on days like this, that I am not four-years-old with a warm, chubby mommy I can lay my head on as she pats my back, and tells me everything is all right…okay…all right.  They should have Rent-A-Mommy outlets for days like this, shouldn’t they?  Someone to bring us mugs of hot chicken soup, and to tuck the blankets in for us.  Will some enterprising soul please take this idea and run with it?

Have you ever seen those pictures of the pathetic, baby motherless monkeys in captivity who cling to that fur-covered, fake monkey-mother board?  Well, that’s who I am today, only it’s a LaZBoy and a ratty afghan, so – feel sorry for me, dammit!

I’d suck my thumb, but I don’t know where it’s been…

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3 Comments »

  1. I’ve often desired a rent-a-mommy service where if you’re not feeling well you can be babied, or if you’re sad you can get an ear and a long, soft hug. That shit would be so bomb, dude. I’d get sick, hire me one of my favorites, and make her take my temperature via my rectum.

    Wait, what?

    Comment by Joseph Five — December 4, 2009 @ 6:50 pm | Reply

    • Oh, hush – we all know that your mommy takes your rectal temp and gives you an enema each and every day without fail.

      Comment by Ruby Dabling — December 4, 2009 @ 8:29 pm | Reply

      • So how is it I’m so full of shit? Tell me that, Socrates.

        Comment by Joseph Five — December 5, 2009 @ 6:00 pm


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